This post is part of the Happy Wives Club Blog Tour which I am delighted to be a part of along with hundreds of inspiring bloggers. To learn more and join us, CLICK HERE!
Marriage (well more specifically my marriage) has been on my mind quite a bit lately. Partly because in 10 days, my husband and I will be celebrating 15 years of marriage. Last night also marked a significant event in our marriage – our first night as small group leaders for our church. Even though being chosen as leaders is truly an honor, that isn’t really why the night was significant. It meant a lot because it signified us being in a healthy enough place in our marriage to be leaders, mentors and a resource to other married couples. And getting to this place has been a hard earned victory.
So, let me back up a bit . . .
My husband and I met at church 16 years ago. We were both leaving service at the same time and bumped into each other while exiting the building. Let me just say that when I saw him, my thoughts were not entirely holy (forgive me Father!). Tall, dark, handsome, fit, dimples, long eye lashes, short curly hair, New York swag mixed with Jamaican style! Jesus be a wall! We met, courted, and married within a year. Did I mention that he swept me off my feet? The whole process was completely out of character for me. I’m usually slow to pull the trigger on anything. I like to plan, strategize, organize, reflect, analyze, think, watch, and then maybe make a decision. But not with this. I knew he was the man God had for me and that settled it. Besides who can resist that Caribbean charm?
If the first year of courting was a whirlwind, then the first year of marriage can only be described as a hurricane! When we married, I had a 5 yr old daughter. That was a big adjustment for all of us. I was pregnant within a month. My husband got a new job which took him out of town 3 -4 days/nights per week. I had to take a leave from work because I was having a difficult pregnancy. I had a difficult delivery. We moved. I changed jobs. My mother-in-law came to stay with us. And we had plenty of “baby daddy” drama.
I wish I could say that everything smoothed out after that first year, but it didn’t. Neither one of us grew up with a healthy example of what marriage was supposed to be. Even though we loved God and we loved each other, we were lacking a lot of necessary tools for “wedded bliss”. In tough times we opted for isolation instead of communication. We pursued professional success instead of each other. We let our kids take priority instead of modeling the proper priorities in marriage. Over time we grew apart, became more like business partners than marriage partners, and inwardly harbored bitterness, disillusionment, and despair.
Two years ago, the wheels nearly fell off. We hit a breaking point, for both of us.
And while it certainly felt like it would be easier, less painful, and justifiable if we just walked away
we.
decided.
to.
STAND.
And then we knelt. We knelt before the One who promised to always be with us. We knelt before the One who is the Healer, the Redeemer, the Way-Maker, the Promise-Keeper, the Restorer.
And we discovered that LOVE WINS
As my husband and I prepare to celebrate 15 years of matrimony, I can honestly say that we are enjoying the best season of our marriage! We have gone through the refining fire and have come out golden. No. Life isn’t perfect, but we have chosen each other. We have chosen to continue to stand. We have chosen to be happy. We have chosen to believe in marriage.
During that painful season of being broken down in order to be rebuilt, God gave me these two scriptures to sustain me. I pray that they may encourage you if you are going through a difficult season in your own marriage.
“Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
There it is! I’m making a road through the desert,
rivers in the badlands. (Isaiah 43:18-19 MSG)
I will be your God throughout your lifetime—
until your hair is white with age.
I made you, and I will care for you.
I will carry you along and save you. (Isaiah 46:4)
The Grahams 12-22-13
Tomorrow’s blog will discuss the secrets to a happy marriage that our season of trial taught us. I hope you’ll stop by again!
Fawn Weaver, the founder of the Happy Wives Club wrote a book about the best marriage secrets the world has to offer. They say the book is like “Eat, Pray, Love meets The 5 Love Languages.” I say the book is inspiring. You can grab a copy HERE.
Oh yay! I’m SO happy that this was one of the blogs for me to comment on today. First of all congratulations on your 15 years of marriage! I know it’s not always easy. I know that I have written something almost exactly the same as you have written above. Reading your post gave me goosebumps. I applaud you for hanging in and realizing that, if this is truly the man God had for you, that you needed to fight for him, for you as a couple and as a family.
My husband and I met when we were 18. We were in the USMC and we got married three months later in the hopes of being stationed together. People said it wouldn’t work. And it was not always easy. But we do say “for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health”. I think people sometimes forget that and bail at the first sign of trouble. We’ve been through all of that and then some.
In April, we will celebrate our 35th anniversary! I cannot believe God gifted me with such an amazing man. He is the co-author of my life and I can’t imagine living it without him. Best wishes to you and your husband for many more years of marriage. 🙂
Lauri, thanks so much for stopping by and sharing! 35 years?!?! That is so inspiring. It doesn’t matter what man says when God has already put His stamp of approval on it! Congratulations 🙂
Thanks for sharing! our God is ap FAITHFUL
Yes, He is!!
Hi Coco. Congratulations on 15 years of marriage! Marriage is something that has to be worked at, to keep it fresh and alive and also to get through the bad bits as well as the good. I’m glad your faith got you through your bad patch. You both look so happy together, it was wonderful to read your post today. Blessings to you, Andrea
Hi Andrea, thanks so much for stopping by! I always say “marriage is a labor of love – it requires work!”
What a beautiful post. Marriage is hard work. It’s literally a labor of love. I always tell people, if you can survive the first two years, you can survive. Congratulations on 15 years and Happy Anniversary!!!
Here’s too many, many more!
Hi my friend! Thanks you. I appreciate your encouragement!
Congratulations on your 15 years. Sadly my marriage did not last – – well it lasted 43 years before I left for a solo life. Sad but true – and for me it was just all part of life.
Hey Di, Thanks for stopping by. WOW – 43 years?!?! Life is not always how we expect it, but it is ours! I am learning to step with grace into the life I have and not fret over the life I thought I would have. Blessings to you!
Ilesha,
First of all, congratulations on 15 years of marriage! Thank you so much for sharing and being open. There are so many things that couples do not share with others. I thank God that you wrote this. My husband and I will celebrate 15 years in June. There have been years of ups and downs as well as sideways and backwards days, weeks, months, and even years. Relying on God is so important! I love the scripture from Isaiah. It reminds me not to get stuck and to keep moving forward. You are truly a blessing.
Kathy
Hi Kathy,
Thank you! And congratulations on your upcoming 15! I’m glad you enjoyed the post. Sometimes it is difficult to just put our junk out there, but if it helps someone, then it’s worth it. I, too, believe we all don’t share enough.
Amen! Love is a decision. You go girl. That is a great story. I love your writing ability you give just the right amount of detail.
Hi Shelly,
Thanks for stopping by! Love is most definitely a decision! We choose every day how to lead our heart.
Wow, what an awesome story! I love that don’t sugar coat how hard it was and can be. Marriage isn’t easy nor is it meant to be. Sometimes the best things in life are the hardest. Glad you guys worked it out congrats on 15 years!
Hi Andrea,
No sugar-coating here! LOL! I agree, sometimes the best things are the hardest!
thanks so much for sharing your love story you two look like a cute couple and you were a beautiful bride. im currently in a relationship taking things slow, we are almost to 2 months together and I’m hopeful for the future.
Hi Lorrie,
awwww, thanks! I don’t advise everyone to speed through the courtship like we did (I keep telling my daughter that especially LOL). Wishing you all the best!
Congratulations on 15 years of marriage! I really enjoyed reading your story and am so happy it all worked out for you.
Thanks so much Jean! It’s been a journey, but we’ve made it!
slipped over from Life Outside the Shell- lovely story, your choice to stand and kneel+God’s faithfulness = winning combination. May you have many more anniversaries!
Hi Nancy
Thank you for stopping by! It is in the kneeling that we are delivered! PTL!
I lOVE your story Ilesha! Thank you for sharing!
Thanks so much! I just discovered your blog and will be visiting often 🙂
Hi Coco,
I loved reading about your journey with your husband. Thank you for opening this part of your heart and sharing your truth; you can’t know how inspiring it was for me to read. Take care and best of everything to you both in 2015.
Love,
Carisa